Anchor Point Counseling Center

Non-judgement is the cornerstone of compassionate communication.  Here is an idea whose time has come and none too soon.  Imagine unconditional love, imagine non-judgement are these concepts impossible for humans?  The principle of unconditional love requires that we suspend judgment so that we can love without expectation.

Translated from Latin, a legal term called “quid pro quo” means literally “something for something.”  A slang term for this is “you scratch my back I will scratch your back.”  I offer this up as an alternative or dialectic to unconditional love and non-judgment.  In other words, the expectation in a relationship is the “something” that makes love conditional.  I hope that is not too great of a leap for your logic to follow.

Too suspend judgment and expect nothing in return is unconditional love.  For example, if I were to say to you, “You are such a good friend to me, I appreciate all the things you do for me but when you talk politics or religion I really am not interested.”  This is a very conditional statement, “…all the things you do for me…”  And the judgement comes when the “but” comes in to play.  Have you ever said to your loved one, “I love you but…”  The “but” discounts the love because we all know what is coming up next…a judgment.

No one likes to be judged, yet we do it all the time.  Hardly anything gets by our radar for judgement.  We constantly judge the weather and weatherman’s forecasting ability.  We judge the quality of the Pastor’s sermon, as if we know what a good sermon is, as if we went to four years of seminary.  Yes, we are all experts at parenting and relationships, “If so and so, would just follow my advice.”  No wonder our kids yawn and ignore our suggestions.

Well, here is the solution…suspend judgement.  The safest people we know are non-judgmental.  What we all crave is acceptance.  Do you feel accepted when you are judged or criticized, I think not.  So the operative question is how do I reduce judging; awareness or mindfulness is the answer.  Once we have raised our consciousness and accepted our need for change; prayer and meditation will help with implementation.  In conclusion, “Be the change you want in the world. “ Mahatma Ghandi