Anchor Point Counseling Center

Welcome back to Compassion Corner, as promised, we will be discussing different dimensions of compassion.  Compassion, in the broader sense, was introduced in 2010.  Later, we discussed loving kindness in the context of compassion.  Today, here and now, we present empathy as a dimension of compassion.

To begin with, it is important to distinguish between empathy from sympathy. Empathy is often confused with sympathy.  To differentiate the two we can go to Google and ask for the definition of empathy.  Google search reveals, “Empathy is the ability to understand and share another being's feelings.”  “Although empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, a subtle variation in ordinary usage can be detected. To empathize is to respond to another's perceived emotional state by experiencing feelings of a similar sort.”  Sympathy implies an extra measure of detachment even a “top down” approach.  The power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble is commiseration. We don’t want to confuse this with empathy.                                                                                                               According to a learned colleague, “Being compassionate requires awareness and the willingness to give witness to another’s suffering.”  Empathy means to be aware, to be willing and to be a witness.  A) Awareness is to bring into consciousness.  It is alertness, responsiveness, attentiveness and understanding.  B) Willingness is to bring enthusiasm or motivation to a situation.  It is readiness, eagerness, or a desire to cooperate.  C) Witnessing is to be an observer.  It is to see, view, perceive and/or behold as in awe.                                                                                                                                To be an accurate witness, in the sense of observing, one must put aside one’s pre-judgements or prejudices to be impartial.  In a court of law, a preferred witness from the Judge’s point of view would repeat what they saw or heard without embellishment.   Can you see where this is going?  Empathy is willingly, witnessing someone else’s experience without interpretation.                                                                                                        Therefore, in the context of compassion, providing empathy with the intent of being an impartial witness of someone’s suffering requires some effort and purpose.  A great deal of energy can be dispersed as a result of being compassionate and providing empathy.  Self care and self awareness are needed to prevent the listener from being “exhausted” by the process of being empathetic.                                                                                                      This warning is not to discourage the “witness,” more to the point, one must be prepared to listen hard.  Although to some this is work, to others it is a joy to honor the connection, at a deep intimate level, with another human being.  Some personality styles are not well suited to this deep witnessing on a daily basis, yet everyone is capable of providing empathy if they wish to be compassionate.

Lastly, taking someone’s perspective is not empathy.  It is the beginning of empathy, yet it is more of a cognitive point-of-view. Empathy is more of a heart-felt, soul-full approach that let’s each participant completely experience a full range of emotion.  As in AA, we say, “Keep coming back, it works if you work it.”  Next month we will discuss “Non-judgement.”